Critical feedback either helps someone grow or makes them defensive — and the difference is in the delivery. Here's how to give feedback that lands and actually changes behavior.
Be specific and behavioral
Vague feedback ('be more professional') can't be acted on. Point to the specific behavior and its impact: 'In the meeting, you interrupted the client twice, and it made us look disorganized.' Specifics make feedback usable.
Focus on impact, not character
Address what someone did and its effect, never who they are. 'That approach caused X' invites change; 'you're careless' invites defense. Separating behavior from identity keeps people open.
Make it a conversation
Frequently asked questions
How do I give critical feedback that lands?
Be specific and behavioral, focus on impact not character, and make it a two-way conversation.
Why does my feedback make people defensive?
Often it's too vague or aimed at character; focus on specific behavior and its impact.
Should feedback be one-way?
No — inviting their view and problem-solving together makes it stick.
How can I practice this?
Book a free 30-minute class to work on it 1-on-1 with Digby R. Kerr.
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