Kerr University™Stop Apologizing for Everything at Work
Excessive apologies undermine your credibility. Here's how to speak with confidence instead.
The Apology Trap
I apologize for the long email. Sorry, but I have a question. I'm sorry, that's just my opinion. Sound familiar? Many professionals, especially non-native English speakers, use apologies as verbal cushions before almost everything they say. The problem is clear: every apology weakens your position and signals uncertainty, even when your idea is solid.
This habit often comes from politeness training or cultural background. While being considerate matters, there's a difference between being respectful and diminishing your own voice. Research shows that people who apologize excessively are taken less seriously in meetings and negotiations.
When an Apology Actually Works
Not all apologies are bad. Use them when you've genuinely made a mistake: I missed the deadline on that report. Let me fix it. That's appropriate and professional. The key is matching your apology to a real situation.
Avoid apologizing for: your opinion, asking a question, taking meeting time, disagreeing respectfully, or admitting you don't know something. Instead, try neutral openers like Here's my perspective... or I have a question about the timeline. These phrases are polite without self-sabotage.
Your New Default Phrases
Replace apologetic language with confident alternatives. Instead of Sorry, can I ask something? try I'd like to understand this better. Instead of I'm sorry, but I disagree, try I see it differently because... Instead of Sorry for the long email, just send clear, well-organized content.
The shift takes practice. Start by catching yourself before you speak. Pause. Ask: Did I actually do something wrong? If no, skip the apology and state your idea directly. Your colleagues will notice the change within weeks.
This week: This week, count how many times you apologize at work. Then replace three apologies with confident alternatives. Notice how people respond differently.
— Digby R. Kerr